I WILL BE DEAD!

Fuhhh dah lama tak bukak blog tetiba bukak theres a totally new look and aku jd bangang kejap cari mana button nak post new entry. haha. Dengan keadaan broadband yang kesiputan maka menambahkan peratusan nak marah. 

Okay apa nak cerita ekk. yeahh pasal thesis. homaigod aku berada di tahap yang paling kritikal skarang ni. masih berada di chapter 2. fuhhhhhh mmg semak otak dengan theoritical framework ni. uwaaaaaaa. susah nyaaa nak construct. and what make it worst adalah procrastinates la apa lagi. ohh no actually sbb paling utama ialah malassss! idk why aku jadi sangat dan teramatlah malas skarang ni nak buat thesis ni. dah tak de masa dah ni sebenarnya tapi still main2 lagi. taknak TL. Nak grad on time. :( im so scared sebenarnyaaaa. tp kkdg takut je tp tkde inisiatif pon susah gak kan. bhahahahaha

kenapalahh jadi malas sgt ni. setelah dikaji selidik rupanya puncanya adalah aku takde kelas and cuma kena buat thesis ni je semata2 so apa lagi lemau to the max la kan. and most of my friends semuanya macam tu. 

Next week aku dah kena hantar dua chapter sekaligus. now aku masih lagi terkedek2 buat chap 2. damn! walaupun chapter 3 tu org kata sikit je and boleh buat over a night but stillllll!! ergghhh what is happening to me!!!!! i cant focussss! arghh. now im a complete idiot. i am the epitome of the best procrastinator. hahahah. *idk if i used the term correctly* but yeahhh who cares. hahaaha. 

Ya Allah i really need to buckle up!!! 

So. Bye! :)

New Addiction

Oh yeahh lupa nak update pasal guitar. hehehehe. i dont know why and since when i am so interested in guitar and playing guitar. Rasa macam seronok sangat bila tgk org boleh main gitar cz aku mcm dapat rasa yang bila you can play music and sing, u really can hilangkan tekanan sikit. So i decided to buy a guitar and i bought white color guitar. Heeee. Learning to play a guitar is not an easy as i thought. its a lot of practice needed and the most important thing i guess is patience, hardwork and talent. without that u'll never be able to play guitar. So now i managed to mesmerized all the simple chord that always use in a lots of songs butttt sampai skrg tak pandai strumming. sangat susah bagi aku adalah strumming and plucking. Kat sini la talent and jiwa music seseorang diuji aku rasa. sbb strumming and plucking ni mmg tkde salah and betul, takde sape boleh ajar kau sbnarnya aku rasa. semua kena ikut naluri sendiri how u wanna follow the beat of the songs. im still learning and thats the hardest part. Till now i can play price tag, kau ilhamku and grenade, but with all down strokes only. :(

Haihh i shud be sleeping by now since i got class tomorrow. bye Assalamualaikum. :)

Random

Fuhh dah lama rasanya tak update blog nih. Hihihi. sebenarnya selalu rasa nak update n macam banyak sgt benda nak cerita tapi bila bukak mesti mcm tatau mana nak mula. I am indeed very bad at writing and story telling. *sigh*. That is why i feel like microblogging macam twitter tu lagi best sbb bebila masa boleh update and 140 characters tkdela sikit sgt. Still boleh tampung thoughts aku yang sentiasa random nih. Hmm i got class at 9.30am tomorrow. I guess its better if im off to bed now. Chiow! :)

Its too late

Hmm wahh lama dah tak jenguk blog ni. Post entry ape tah lagi. hehehe. biaselah kan nama pun rarely blogging.

Well pejam celik pejam celik dah 5 tahun aku belajar kat puncak ni. Kadang2 takleh nak tipu diri sendiri yang aku rase bosan sangat dok kat sini. duk kat sini lama tu takpe lagi sbb weekend je aku nak berambus balik umah aku kat Selayang tu. tapi bila mengenagkan aku belaja benda yang sama selama 5 tahun ni membuatkan aku tertekan sangat, bosan and menyesal sbb tak pegi interview tawaran sambung degree course lain mase diploma dulu.

pastu pulak bila pikir nak keje ape, boleh ke aku bertahan dalam dunia hiburan ni. Boleh ke aku tahan dengan tanggungjawab kerja yang berat dan mmg takkan punya ade mase even untuk diri sendiri. Memang tekanan yang teramat sangat bila hari2 mengahadap benda yang sama. Belajar benda yang sama cuma sukatan berbeza sikit je. ala beza pun sikit sangat. mendalam pun dalam sikit je. ade lah sejengkal dalamnya daripada dulu.

And one more thing that makes me really upset is when im thinking of my family. its been almost 6 years im studying here and im now 23 years old already. Bila nak keje, bila nak tolong ringankan beban mak ayah, bila nak kumpul duit nak kahwin, uishhh!kalau aku keje umur 24 tahun pun, and nak kahwin umur 30 tahun mana cukup 6 tahun nak simpan duit untuk kahwin grand2. melainkannnnn...........laki aku nanti kayo brado! hahahaha. Well mmg berangan lah tu kan. haish lovee berangan. Kalau aku kerja sekarang mungkin aku dah beli keata dah. :'(

Seronoknya kalau dapat tolong mak ngan ayah. aku ni kalau dapat belikan mak ngan ayah aku ape2 mmg rse puas hati sangat. rase seronok sangat tgk mak ngan ayah senyum je amik barang yang aku belikan tu. "Mak ayah, sabarlah sikit je lagi, nanti kakak akan tolong mak ngan ayah" janji! :)

Tapi takpelah, i do believe that God always have a better plan for me and He always knows whats best for me. Thank you Allah.

OUTCAST!

I think i have done something not good to my friends. Im not supposed to be selfish. I confronted them, they said its okay. But still i feel uneasy about this matter. I mean its really bothering me. haish. i hate this kind of feelings la. Am i selfish? Im sorry. When i sat down and think everything back again, i know i shouldn't bring up about transportation and everything since we'd promised that we'll go there together. YESSSS I KNOW IM SELFISH because i just bailed to our promise. Damn y did i do that. Aaarggh i dont want to think, i dont want to fucking think. Its get me no where but worrying about it all day and about what u guys might say behind my back regarding what i did and about my decision. Actually i do care about what people think, eventhough sometimes im not. But u guys are my best friends! I love all of u n i dont want to loose u guys because of my selfishness and my stupidity.

Dear besties im sorry for not going to do our internship together as we planned and if u guys think im selfish. i apologize because maybe i am even though u guys didn't say anything. I can really sense it. And now i dont know how to fix this. Im sorry. ;'(

Grenade

Easy come, easy go, that's just how you live
Oh, take, take, take it all but you never give
Should've known you was trouble from the first kiss
Had your eyes wide open, why were they open?

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
'Cause what you don't understand is

I'd catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya

I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same

No, no, no, no

Black, black, black and blue, beat me 'til I'm numb
Tell the devil I said, hey, when you get back to where you're from
Mad women, bad women, that's just what you are, yeah
You'll smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car


Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
'Cause what you don't understand is

I'd catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya

I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for ya, baby
But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire
Ooh, you'd watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me, you're a liar
'Cause you never, ever, ever did, baby

But darling, I'd still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya

I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same

No, you won't do the same
You wouldn't do the same
Ooh, you never do the same
No, no, no, no

The Bitterness of Love I Tasted

You saved me from him two years ago. You make me love you like hell. And now you're gonna leave me just like he did. I thought u were different. I know I'm not a good lover. i mess up. I start fights. I get jealous easily. I'm demanding and I'm always get mad. But there are things i do love about myself.

1. I don't play

2. I give my all

3. I love deeply

But why cant you see? I know where i got wrong. I complaint a lot. I deny everything and i don't show that i trust you even though actually i am. I said i wanted to break up, but in a couple of hours i definitely gonna find u back because i cant stand of not having you even for a day. When i said i want to break up with you, I'm expecting u to reply, "no I'll never gonna leave you".

But everything is over. U don't even bother any of my explanation. The way u asked for a break up is the most hardest part for me to accept. You said it in a very polite way as i cant take it because i know every time u asked for a break up when u are mad, its not gonna happen. But this time its different because u r not mad at me at all. Not even a bit. Its scared the hell out of me. And it is happening to me now. I could not take it. I even cry in front of my mom! I know i take this too hard but how can i stand it. Its not that easy as you thought. How can i forget you? You said you know that i can forget you, then teach me how to forget you but I'm sure I'll never be able to learn it.

you said that you'll still be around anytime i need you. but everything will never be the same again. The feelings will never gonna be just like we used to feel. There will be no more imy, ily, ilysm, ilysfdm, imysm, imysfdm and everything sweet to say to you and i'll never gonna received a goodnight kiss message, morning kiss message. Its just frustrating! All i need i you needing me. I want everything to be just like it used to be. I hate myself because i cant do anything to put everything in place back again. But I'll wait.